Are your friends really your friends?

Within your circle of “friends”, you will have different types who serve different purposes in your life or offer you different things.

I always think it’s important to assess the type of people you have around you. Sometimes we don’t realise how much the company we keep can impact our growth. It’s important to acknowledge this and pick out those around you who may be toxic or aren’t conducive to your growth. There are so many examples I’ve seen where your friends can be your enemies of progress. Understand that not everyone wants to see you happy or wants to see you successful regardless of how long you’ve known them or how close you ‘think’ you are to that person. It is very possible your own friend is secretly your enemy. A lot of us have a habit of holding onto people who we’ve known for years even though the friendship has reached its expiry date.

Three signs based on my experience that your friends are toxic:

Friends who ask how you are just to talk about themselves

These types of friends are so useless I’ve had friends like this who have literally called my phone or messaged me asking me if I’m okay just to talk about themselves. Trying to pretend that they care, these people are very self-serving, you could literally be on the verge of a mental breakdown and these people will be talking about themselves the whole time and every single time they contact you. Those are the type of phone calls you have to pretend your phone died or your moms calling you lol. The time you’ve spent talking to these people you could have done something productive instead you’re here entertaining rubbish conversations that will only drain you.

Friends who don’t support anything you do

Have you noticed this? These type of friends get rid of, for me, I support anyone who supports me. You will get some people who will hold onto you because they see your potential, they won’t offer you any support though, they won’t even root for you. They will just watch your progress and stay close to see what they can take from you or what benefits they feel like you can give them. Remember there are friends that don’t want to see you do good, or at least not better than them!

Jealous and/or competitive friends

I had a friend like this who I always felt was lowkey competing with me, it seemed like everything I did she wanted to do. One time I told her I got a new job first thing she asked me was “how much do you get paid?”. No congrats, no “aww that’s good”. She only wanted to see how much I was being paid (bare in mind it was one bar job lol so not that much) just to see if she was getting more when I told her she was like “I get more than that” like ok? lol. It’s weird. Competing with your friends is not normal, your friends should be happy for you!

I’ve gotten myself in such ridiculous and self-sabotaging situations because of the company I’ve kept. Now I definitely take responsibility for not being assertive enough and getting rid of them sooner. Sometimes when our friends are a certain way we tend to develop this mindset which is “well I’m not like that, they are but that’s not me” but what we fail to realise is that we are the company we keep. And it wasn’t until I distanced myself from certain people that I began to deconstruct, and realise certain negative behavioural habits or patterns that I picked up from this company.

I’ve also noticed that many people are quick to label others as toxic or as bad friends without looking at their own actions and intentions. So just as it’s important to evaluate the type of people you have around you, evaluate whether or not it’s actually you whose toxic. Don’t be that person who’s forever talking about how bad this or that friend is…if you’re changing friends like you’re changing your underwear you may just be the problem beloved.

Thank you for reading!