I don’t know about anyone else but the BLM Movement seems kind of divisive right now. With many issues surrounding the black community within the last few weeks and the issues black women have called black men out for.  On top of that, black men (twitter boys) and rappers have recently been exposed for alleged sexual assault. I find the energy has become very hostile and divisive.

Firstly, it is powerful for women to come forward and share their experiences. Men cannot abuse, violate, or sexually assault women and continue to get away with it. These men deserve to be called out and we must protect our sisters from them.

But in regards to my black brothers and sisters. For years, black women have called out black men for their behaviour and treatment of us. We have spoken about them alienating, abusing, disrespecting, and dividing us with their colourist attitudes and statements.

The issue is, black women have to deal with racism, the effects of patriarchy and misogyny. We are not only oppressed through systemic racism but we are women too. Through centuries dealing with the sexualisation of the black female body, possible sexual assault, and domestic abuse on top of racism. So why do you think we are angry? I won’t classify myself as an “angry black woman” but there is some truth in that stereotype. BUT we should not be shamed for it, because we deal with a lot. Whilst having to hold our own, reach a high level of success within the world and workplace, still holding our families together and fighting for OUR rights as black people. And typically being on the front lines protesting/starting movements when our brothers are killed and targeted by police.

Funny enough, when black men were asked to compliment black women, and when John Boyega encouraged black men to stand up and support us. The majority of black men called us “strong” (I wish they could have expanded their vocabulary) but I won’t disagree because we are strong, but this narrative does dehumanise us.

However, the biggest issue I’m having with my fellow black brothers and sisters is we are not having constructive conversations. Yes, we are angry, want to be listened to and protected. And a lot of us don’t want to keep “teaching” our men how to treat us. I also want to reinforce that as black women, we do NOT need to do the labour but if we are to talk it needs to be constructive. Especially with receptive black men who are willing to listen and understand (but for the self-hating coons, they cannot be saved).

I also don’t believe we should pander or beg black men. BUT, I do think we need to hear black men out. i.e. Instead of getting angry that black men only see us as “strong” understand that many were socialised to believe that about black women. We do need to talk to black men about our experiences without anger, we do need to be honest about how we feel. We don’t need to pretend that we are not bothered by a black man dating outside his race (however, we hate when that same man disrespects us unwarranted though).

We also have to discuss black mothers and how they are raising their black sons, because these black boys grow up and wreak havoc on our lives whether it’s being abusive towards black women, bashing us, or expressing colourist views. Why is that? How do we go about unlearning this? They have black mothers, so what has gone wrong there?

We also have to allow and create space for black men to discuss their experiences within their homes, within society, and with other black women and men. Without completely bashing or dismissing them for their ignorance. The reality is many are grown up and socialised to have certain views.

Whilst it is up to MEN to unlearn these things themselves, understand how they view black women and their mothers within the homes – how they were treated. Including the roles that played out within their homes alongside outside factors and how this may have impacted them, their attitudes and behaviour towards black women. What I’d suggest us women do is find some understanding, and recognise how and in which ways we play a role with the socialisation of black men and how they are viewed within society and our community.

With that being said, I believe if we are to make substantial changes within our community and between black women and men we need to have very open and honest conversations. We have to be willing to understand that everyone is different, we all have individual experiences. We are grown up similar with similar experiences within our race/communities, but within different households and cultures. Some views and ideologies are ingrained in a lot of us from childhood. Instead of us getting angry with each other and bashing heads, causing more division. We need to create spaces where we can begin to deconstruct many issues, whilst holding ourselves accountable as individuals.

Either way, I am all for my black sisters. I encourage you to stay blessed, driven, and passionate. Also, remember to put yourself first, it is long overdue!

And for my black community, I will forever put in work to liberate and elevate my people. Because It’s really BLACK EVERYTHING for me. PERIOD.

Thank you for reading.