“Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions” – The Harsh Truth.

Do you know someone who just cannot hold themselves accountable for their actions? (or is that person you?) They either shift the blame onto someone else, victimise themselves, or just dismiss the situation completely to avoid addressing their role. Dealing with this type of person can be very frustrating, especially when you want them to take full responsibility for their actions. Also, not many of us like having to hold ourselves accountable for certain things that happen in our lives.

Holding yourself accountable forces you to see how YOU may have contributed to an undesirable outcome or how your actions may be the reason as to why you are in your position or not where you want to be. This can be a scary process for some which is why others find it easier to shift the blame or victimise themselves. And for some, it may feel easier to continue the behaviours that they have become so used to.

It is, however, important to understand that whilst some things happen that are outside your control, I.e. unforeseen circumstances and the actions of others. Ultimately, YOU have control over YOUR behaviour.

Let’s say, for example, you keep attracting the same type of man or woman, the same red flags or personality traits, etc. And ending up in situations or cycles which keep hurting you, repeating the same trauma from your past. In these circumstances it is easy to blame that person, stating that they are just no good (which is probably true) or you act passive, claiming that you don’t know what it about you and “this is just what I attract”. However, this is where accountability comes in, if you notice there is a pattern in your life you need to address this head-on. Understanding what role YOU play in keeping this pattern alive. What is it that you are presenting? What have you not addressed from your past that causes you to gravitate towards, attract and entertain those types of people? Sometimes it is not just them, it is you. Although, sometimes some things are merely coincidental but you should self-reflect from time to time for you to pick up on some destructive traits that you may have.

Holding others around you accountable is equally important. You should not allow others to continue to make excuses for their actions especially if it is affecting you in any way. Let them know when they’re wrong, when they’ve crossed boundaries and when they can do better. This is not always easy to do especially when it comes to the closest people around you. However, depending on whether or not they choose to take your advice on board, this may help them become a better person. And there is nothing wrong with being honest, just try to be tactful when doing so.

Holding yourself accountable means deciding to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It is important to look within, figure out what the problem may be and what you can change or do better.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to self-reflect and start taking accountability:

1. What can you currently take accountability for?
2. What sort of unhealthy habits do you continue to practice?  (make a list)
3. What do you feel like you are lacking?
4. What do you have control over?
5. How can you make your life more positive?
6. What do you need to do to be a better you?

I understand how uncomfortable holding yourself accountable can be because it opens you up to your reality. However, it is important to start the process of breaking down how your behaviours, traits, or habits have contributed to your circumstance or negative situations. After all, the end goal is to be the best version of yourself as possible, to flourish and live your best life. Start by holding yourself accountable.

Thank you for reading.