I can admit that I am not as emotionally mature as I would like to be. I’m still learning what it means to be completely emotionally mature. I know through the years this has improved, but I am lacking in some areas. In particular, not knowing how to handle my emotions when they are too overwhelming for me.

A few traits of emotional immaturity:
• Avoid being vulnerable
• Holding grudges
• Defensiveness
• Not knowing what you want or unclear about needs
• Passive aggressiveness
• Shifting blame
• Low accountability
• Dependency
• Emotionally unpredictable

You may notice that you have only a few traits of emotional immaturity, especially if you find emotions overwhelming and difficult to deal with at times. You may laugh it off, divert the conversation, avoid being vulnerable and say you are fine when you are not. This may not be the worst thing, but it can stop you from building deeper, authentic connections which include understanding, compassion and vulnerability.

If you’re like me, dealing with your emotions can be an intense process at times. I’m trying to completely understand how I’m feeling, why I feel so deeply, my triggers and why I find it difficult to separate my emotions from reality. Sometimes feelings of frustration or being triggered can result in an emotional outburst (a sign of emotional immaturity). After reading – ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’ – Lindsay C. Gibson I recognised that emotionally mature people can ‘Feel and Think at the same time’. However, when I am in a high emotional state it is very difficult to reason with me because I cannot think and feel at the same time. This is something that I’m currently working to change, but because I am so used to handling emotions in this way, I am now making it my responsibility to unlearn this.

I just feel so overwhelmed by my emotions sometimes to the point where I feel like can’t detach, I just want to run away. I feel frustrated that I am so easily triggered, believing that I can’t help but react the way I do at times. But then after I’ve calmed down, I feel guilty and shameful for not being able to handle my emotions, especially when it affects those around me. It’s like a cycle. However, I don’t want to self-loath over human nature, emotions are normal. Some of us think and feel deeply whilst others don’t. Yet, we can all understand the importance of being emotionally mature. In the moments where I feel in control of my emotions, I feel in control of the situation. I can detach and see other people’s behaviours and perspectives outside of myself and my feelings. Sometimes other people, especially those closest to us can trigger us the most. Becoming more emotionally mature will help you understand that sometimes other people’s behaviours isn’t always a reflection of us or our shortcomings and in a lot of cases, they don’t have anything to do with us. It is helpful to understand this, or you may be constantly triggered, reactive and emotional about everything (basically ruining your day).

It also allows us to understand how our emotional immaturity is affecting those around us. By us being reactive and not being able to handle our own emotions we can end up dampening the energy around us and making things difficult for others. You may put people in a loop, causing them to walk on eggshells, constantly worrying about triggering you.

However, even if you didn’t learn emotional maturity in your childhood, possibly due to emotionally immature parents you can still learn them now. It’s never too late to better yourself. You have the power to evolve and change by becoming more self-aware.

Ways in which you can become more emotionally mature:
• Sit with your feelings – feel the whole range of your emotions.
• Practice breathing techniques whenever you feel overwhelmed.
• Making note of your triggers (what and who triggers you) – this awareness will give you a greater understanding of people and situations that activate a negative emotional reaction.
• Think about the outcome you want to achieve in specific interactions you have with others.
• Think about the intentions of the person(s) you are interacting with before responding or becoming offended.

Also, remember to show yourself compassion when you fall short of your own expectations. Understand that you are on a journey of self-awareness, self-control, inner healing and ultimately high emotional maturity. You don’t have to feel bad for feeling so intensely about things. But you also don’t have to personalise everything and believe you’ve done something wrong. Align yourself with people who understand you and don’t make you feel bad for being an ‘emotional’ person.

Thank you for reading.

See you soon x