People cannot give you what they can’t give themselves.

Many of us hold expectations of others based on who they are to us and their positions in our lives. We may expect them to provide us with what they aren’t giving or doing for themselves. (When I say, ‘give us’, I don’t mean material items). I am talking about fulfilling our emotional needs with love, care, support, understanding, affection etc. 

In the past, I’ve expected my parents, friends, and romantic partners to emotionally soothe me, encourage me, and fully understand me. Whilst this isn’t necessarily a big ask, I knew they didn’t even understand themselves, their own emotions or emotion regulation. I would get angry and frustrated when they could not live up to my expectations because I expected they’ll just automatically provide those things.

When we place expectations on someone, we are only disappointed when they cannot live up to them. People show you who they are, so if they have shown minimal signs that they can give you what you need, what good does it do for you to continue to expect this?

For my sanity, I’ve decided to manage my expectations and gravitate toward people who can do for me what they can do for themselves. Overall, I feel less disappointed and have more control over my emotions. 

Managing/reducing your expectations of someone doesn’t mean that you do not deserve someone to give you what you need. Instead, you will have peace of mind in moments when they cannot show up for you in the way that you’d expect.

Thank you for reading.