“For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?”

– bell hooks

Forgiveness is a difficult choice because some people cause us so much pain and disappointment that we don’t always have the emotional strength to forgive them. Instead, we harbour our pain, anger, and resentment toward them inside of us. However, the funny thing about resentment is that it is usually silent. We don’t want to forgive, nor do we express our pain and hurt someone caused.

There was one person in my life that I loved and trusted, whilst I still love them. They disappointed me, and I couldn’t let it go. At first, it was sadness then it manifested into anger and bitterness. I was frustrated by their choices and the fact that they could not be who I wanted them to be. I found myself speaking negatively of this person, and distancing myself from them. Although the distance was necessary, I didn’t make a conscious effort to forgive during that time. Then one day, I spoke to God and asked for help to forgive this person because I didn’t like what this pain was manifesting into.

Our feelings are valid, but we hurt ourselves when we decide not to forgive someone for their transgressions. I’m also learning that although we may be the target of someone’s negative actions, their actions usually have little to do with us and more to do with the pain and trauma they are carrying and navigating life with, consequently, harming those around them.

Forgiveness is a choice we decide to make, but forgiveness is rarely for the other person’s benefit. Forgiveness is for us. It allows us to release those negative emotions associated with someone. So, instead of storing negativity within our spirits, we choose to let it go to make room for the positive emotions and experiences that come with forgiveness.

Additionally, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Some experiences are so painful we can’t forget them even if we tried. However, forgiveness releases that weight off your shoulder and releases the expectations you may have placed on someone.

Thank you for reading!