Being in complete solitude can be harder than it seems. A position where you can no longer distract yourself forces you to discover your true emotions and identity. Who are you when you are alone inside those 4 walls? What do you care about, enjoy or love? What do you know about yourself when you only have yourself to enjoy and be with? This may be an experience when you are free from particular relationships, serious, casual or sexual. Or free from distractions outside of yourself. Sometimes our identity can be so tied to something else, be that a job, status, family, friends, money or a relationship. Take those away and who are you? Can you spend much needed time with yourself, or is that feeling of loneliness uncomfortable for you? How do you feel when no one is doing things with you, calling your phone, texting you, or laying next to you and keeping distracted? Do you still feel worthy? That feeling of loneliness can be so overpowering but it is important to acknowledge it.

I’ve always believed that I wholeheartedly enjoyed being in my own company (which I do for the most part) but it hits different when you are completely detached from someone sexually, emotionally, physically or being in a relationship. And I’ve realised I am not completely comfortable fully experiencing myself outside of this. So, I need to have things to do to distract me in those moments. The idea of receiving no texts, no calls, no one to lay with for me made me feel off. And I’m like why is that? It’s because I’ve never known what it’s like to be completely alone. As I’m getting older, I’m realising that it is important for me to experience this. If I can break through that uncomfortable feeling and fill that void on my own, I am very much indestructible. That is a different type of power, to sit with yourself, and enjoy your own company without having to distract yourself.

I get why many people are constantly dating or find themselves bouncing from relationship to relationship. Or even over-working and never giving themselves breaks. Once people are done, they move on to the next, and people stay on apps like Hinge with several options available. People are trying to escape that uncomfortable feeling. And I get it, but how can you know who you are or what you want if you keep running from yourself and trying to fill a void. Personally, I avoid dating and I’ve never used a dating app. But I have had a pattern of going back to old situations as opposed to being alone. On top of that, the thought of dating gives me anxiety, I’m so idealistic and sceptical that I just avoid it in general. Even though I know my 20’s is my prime, I also realise the importance of protecting my energy. I don’t like the idea of spreading myself thin, I am not for everybody, and everybody is not for me. But I won’t say consistently going back to old relations is any better. That’s just a different (and more comfortable) way of filling a void and avoiding the complete loneliness and detachment that scares people so much.

Nevertheless, this is more of a self-reflective post, I’m still in the process of learning how to be completely comfortable with solitude and loneliness. I’m starting small, I’m learning to be alone without having to force and find distractions. Im just turning my phone on aeroplane mode and kicking it with myself doing the things I love. But it’s a journey, I learn more about myself every day and I’m thankful for that.

Here are a few ways you can deal with loneliness:

• Understand and get to the root cause of your feeling of loneliness
• Make your alone time more meaningful by practising self-care, self-compassion and relaxation techniques
• Spend your time doing a healthy physical activity
• Strengthen your existing relationship with family and/or friends
• Deepen your connection with God, a Higher Power, the Universe or whoever you believe in

Thank you for reading x